my year in review

this is a work in progress while I figure out what I did all year!

January - can't remember
February - can't remember
March - Ft. Davis/Marfa with Ingrid +3, Claire & Colin, Matt & Holden. This year we stayed in the Webster House. It was perfect! A fenced yard for the kids to go Star Wars beserk, antiques, great kitchen, you name it! Met up with Stephanie in Marfa. Rock hunted at the Woodward Ranch, star party at the McDonald Observatory. Lots of lounging.
April - work
May - work
June - Camp Logan, Steph & William come to house sit
July - Rhode Island and NYC
August - the beach
September - the grind
October - great Halloween festivities on Ave. F
November - an unpleasant thanksgiving
December - trudged through work, painted the kitchen, dog sat Sunny, latkes with Maurie & Julia, hanging with good friends and family, painted the kitchen table

a successful family gathering (for a change)

For the first time in maybe, EVER, Logan and I had fun at a family gathering! There are 8 of us, and we only see 4 of them during the holidays. The fly in this ointment is usually Logan, screaming about being bored or something equally childish. This time I took offensive measures and took the wii. Naturally it was a hit, and Logan had a great time with his relatives! Yeah!

Now my mother and aunt are oil and water. But apparently both of them have been writing down memories of their lives into journals to pass along to my cousin and myself. I think this is a brilliant idea. I often wished that I had recordings of my grandmother and great aunts and uncles telling all their stories. I might just start using this blog as a way to document my memories of them and the rest of my family. The first year of Logan's life I wrote down everything. Then life got so hectic I stopped. Really wish I hadn't.

what went down

here is a summary of what the youngling has gotten this Hanukkah/Christmas season:

wii & accessories
ds lite & accessories
nerf vulcan w/nerf bullet belt & tripod (animals beware!)
nerf stealth
books
target gift card
clothes
star wars RISK (pretty cool!)
star wars costumes for his Build-A-Bears
brain game book
Easy Bake Oven (very cool)
rubic's cube
Connect 4 x 4


Please note: this is BEFORE seeing his maternal grandmother. RIDICULOUS. Note to self: next year, put the kibosh on any & all electronics.

Last night we tracked Santa via NORAD. He was determined to witness the arrival of the fat man. I told him if he didn't fall asleep that Mr. C. wouldn't want to come in the house. Boom. Fast alseep. Then, in the wee hours of the morning, Lickypaws started barking like mad. Logan swears this is when Santa was in the house. Who am I to argue?

Tonight, off to the Berman's for the annual non-Christmas dinner. Grandma Phebe's Roast beast. YUM!

yipee!

we got a wii!

Dance of the Nations

Round and round we go we hold each others hands and
weave ourselves in a circle,
The time is done
The dance goes on.....

Just call me douchebag

I had to laugh when this was thrown at me yesterday. Actually, I believe it was "old lady douchebag". Cunt...maybe. Bitch...definitely. But douchebag?

Yesterday was a beautiful day, so I took advantage of it and decorated the outside of the house. Beautiful snowflakes and glittery ornaments now adorn my front porch! Very festive no matter what you like to celebrate. Also this weekend was the traditional Hancock Golf Course Lumarias and Saturday night after lighting candles and eating yummy latkes, we went over and walked around. It was foggy and the lights were gorgeous!

Tomorrow night is the Celebrations! performance at Logan's school. He is going to be a shepard (probably because he has long hair). I love this program, -when all the kids and parents are crowded in the auditorium at the end, singing "Let there be Peace on Earth", I always get goosebumps. Such a lovely school tradition. Don't you just love December?

Poor Agent Lickypaws!

Did you know sometimes dogs have to have their anal glands drained? Did you even know that dogs HAD anal glands? I sure didn't. Anyway, I took Agent Lickypaws to Animal Trustees yesterday, to get the last of his puppy shots. I mentioned to the super cute tech guy that within the past week his breath had started to be really stinky. He said "anal glands" and I immediately felt a little skeeved. Then he showed me what he was talking about, then he made me FEEL them!!! Oh god, I thought I would pass out. Next he told me they could "drain" them, that it was pretty foul and I might want to leave the room. No problem!

After this trauma we went to petsmart for a hair TRIM. Well, Licky has been running with the big dogs, no poncy poodle here! Yep, pits and goldens, that how he rolls. All this fun has given him a "manly" dread lock look. Complete with leaves and sticks! Anyway petsmart says "we can't comb or trim that out. We're gonna have to clip him down". Oh no. Well...whatta you gonna do? I came back a couple of hours later and OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! I was horrified, Licky was obviously embarassed, the groomer apologetic. Now because it's cold and wet here in the ATX, he has to wear a sweater for christ's sake. Rent boy.

ain't no paradise here

All the Al-anon in the world didn't prepare me for when my son stated, quiet matter-of-factly, "I don't love my dad". Jaw dropped really low, I said "well, you might not like him right now, but of COURSE you love him". "No, I don't like him or love him". Heavy.

All this isn't too surprising I suppose, now that his dad has fallen off the wagon BIG TIME. Apparently, having cirrhosis and becoming legally blind, getting on welfare and moving into public housing ALL BECAUSE OF DRINKING aren't enough of a wake-up call. Apparently heavy drinking in the Housing for the Elderly and Disabled is de rigeur, after all, what else are they going to do all day besides sleep off the hangovers. Long ago, a 20+ year sober friend told me that unless this guy quit white knuckling it and get into a program, he would drink himself to death. I guess denial goes a long way, even when you look and feel like shit.

So it's now to the point of what kind of safety parameters do I put into place for my son? School parents' have commented on his dad's odd behavior at events, his reeking of alcohol, how terrible he looks. Logan told me a couple of months back, that he woke up in the middle of the night, didn't see his dad, then found him passed out in the bathtub. Logan didn't want me to tell Connor, because he didn't want to "embarrass him". It's been reported to me, and I've witnessed 1st hand his verbal shaming of his own child: Brat, baby, spoiled, mama's boy have fallen from his lips within a 10 minute span. Threats of "consequences" for the most minor infractions. Logan actually believes that his father might hurt him. He sees him as physical threat. He is still too innocent to realize the emotional abuse is far more insidious and likely.

There can't be any half steppin' on my part here. I've got to be willing to take the heat, all of it. Time to suit up in kevlar and war paint. Here I go.

moroccan music

An acquaintance is in Morocco and can I say jealous? Aside from just the traveling aspect, I would LOVE to be there to hear all that music. A cornucopia of aural delights! those rhythms! the piercing flutes! it really stirs my heart. If I suddenly just disappear, look for me in a sufi-inspired trance, groovin in marketplace, or climbing the rocks in the desert/mountains in search of ecstasy.

and now, the car...

This morning as Logan and I headed out to the car I noticed clothes next to it. Weird. Then as I got closer, more clothes. Uh oh. Went to the driver side and someone had busted out the back window of my HHR and taken everything in the back. There had been 2 giant bags of really nice clothes that The Montessori Center had donated to me to donate to the kids at my school. Well, the thief apparently had enough time to go through all the bags and pull out exactly what they liked, leaving the rest strewn across the ground. They also stole all my giant map books, my car cleaners and my cigarette adaptor for computer, dvd etc. I am numb. First the bikes. Then the tires. Now this. I am poor and can't afford all this shit. It wears me out and makes me question the universe. While intellectually I know these things aren't personal (or are they?), after awhile, it has started to eat at my soul. What kind of karmic lesson is this? When I pay for bad decisions that I knowingly make, that's one thing. But it's starting to feel like I'm a target.

I am tired.

Licky

Logan has finally gotten his wish of a puppy. Ladies and gentlemen...Lickypaws! He is adorable, although I'm not feeling too happy about the house training business. Anyway, Licky is a 4 month old miniature poodle. Now don't be hatin' on the poodle. This little guy is all black and has long curly hair. No stupid foo foo dog cuts in this house. No poof balls, no berets in the hair, no painted toenails. This is a boy's dog! Seriously, he will grow to about 15 pounds. Just the right size for a little kid. He already has neighborhood friends too! When I get a camera, I'll post pix.

still trying to take it all in

Star Wars in Concert really was awesome. I'm actually still trying to take it all in because it was pretty overwhelming. We ended up getting a program ($30), because it seemed the most sensible thing to spend Logan's money on. It's beautiful! Big and glossy, a keepsake. One thing that was cool was the program vendors, they had these little carts that looked like tie fighters! I also keep flashing back to all the original artwork and music scores that they had on display. The sketches were gorgeous and probably worth a small fortune. They also had these big backdrops with scenes from the movies that you could stand in front of to make it seem like you were in the story!

star wars report

We arrived at the Dallas Cowboy Stadium around 5:30. The place is ENORMOUS and I now realize why it cost 1 BILLION dollars. Yep, billion. Everything there is state of the art-no expense spared-over the top stadium. Crazy. In one of the lobbies were museum cases showing original costumes, maquettes, art work, musical scoring, you name it. We saw the costumes of Yoda, Chewbacca, Imperial Guards, Queen Amidala, Ewok's, C3P0, Darth Vadar, and too many more to mention. Also on display were a variety of blasters, light sabers and helmets. There were people in ORIGINAL costumes walking around and they would pose for pictures. There was a real R2D2 running around as well!

We found our seats, very low balcony. We were at a slight angle to the stage, but it didn't matter because the stadium has the world's largest high def tv screen in the world. It's 2 sided, over 100 yards long and over 5 stories tall. Seriously. The orchestra was on stage with a screen behind them as well. All of these screens were projecting what was going on on the stage. Anthony Daniels was the narrator. It was presented in chronological order, with chapter titles and montages of the films to illustrate the story he was telling. The encore was the Darth Vadar music.

This thing was incredible. Honestly, I'm just kinda speechless. Logan just kept saying "mama, this is the coolest thing ever". That pretty much sums it up.

only hours away!!

The long awaited Star Wars in Concert is only hours away. And a new tire and 3 hour trip to Arlington, Texas. Woo Hoo!!!!

High Geek Alert

Oct. 23 - Dallas - STAR WARS IN CONCERT. Oh. My. God. We are beside ourselves. Hell, we are inside out of ourselves. It will be beyond cool. This is George Lucas approved, baby. An orchestra performing along with clips from all 6 films on the world's largest movie screens. PLUS - original costumes, props & select ephemera. Logan will be wearing his Boba Fett costume. I'll be the harried mom chasing after him as he goes beserk. And schlepping all the over priced crap he just can't live without. Hey, wait. Does that hoodie come in an adult small?

If I said your name to the lengthening night,

would you hear it over the waves?

If I whispered your presence into the damp breeze,

would the mist touch your skin?

If I drew my patience (your hands) into the moist, cool earth,

would you see it in the sand?

If I pressed my fingers, spelling onto the foggy glass,

would the water cut your skin?

And if I carved your face upon autumn's rotting wood,

would you see it in your beach fire embers?

ruined evening saved by flowers!

My friends kitchen was truly overrun with flowers. Thousands of them. They smelled good and were easy on the eyes. It was rejuvenating & cleansing to make arrangements. It felt good, healthy. I drank in their delicate scent, marveled at their colors and texture. Was honored to have been privy to their secrets. Thank you.

Clone Wars premiere, or how ruin everyone's evening

Tonight was the long awaited season premiere of Clone Wars. It's all my son and his friends have talked about for weeks. The plan was to have Logan's friends come over for a watching party while his dad took care of the kids while I went to help a friend with flowers for a wedding. When I went to pick up C., he reeked of booze, his speech with thick, his eyes totally bloodshot and he was in his trademarked "I haven't been to bed yet (or very little) I'm still drunk from last night" uber nasty mood. The ride to my house was predictable in it's events.

About 30 minutes into the festivities, the father of one child pulled me aside. "What's going on with him, he looks different, he sounds different, his eyes are different?" This was from someone who has heard the dreary details of this man's life, but had never experienced the train wreck first hand. I replied: "you know what's going on, you've just never had the pleasure before." He stated that he wasn't comfortable leaving his son in C'.s care. Well, who the fuck would be? So, here I sit....blowing off my commitment to my friend (luckily she's understanding), waiting for the fucking clone wars to be over and the kids to get picked up by their families.

Please have the decency to be ashamed of yourself.

schwinn collegiate

Okay, I promise to keep this bike business in check. Today I bought my last bike, EVER. If this one gets stolen....I'm..I'm...well I don't know what I am, but no more bikes after this one. I got a super cute Schwinn Collegiate. Blue with blue rims, blue seat & blue grips, chrome fenders that do a little "flip" at the ends. I put a new wicker basket on it, a coffee cup holder and got a blue jelly bell. Hopefully it's so old and has just enough rust no one will want to steal it. But just to be safe, I'm keeping it inside when not in use. It's going to take up the entire living room and I might have to get rid of the couch, but what the hell. If I can figure out how to post a picture on here, I will. Can't wait to test it out!!!

serves me right

Just realized I had put it out into the world that the black cruiser was not the bike of my dreams. So I guess it serves me right it got stolen. No, wait! bullshit! that doesn't excuse those THIEVES.

BIKE THIEVES STRIKE AGAIN

Yesterday S. & I had gone for a spin around downtown. On the way home we encountered a bit of trouble, so I locked up my bike at the corner of 9th & Rio Grande to a street sign with a ulock. When I returned, I wandered up and down the street thinking "I thought I parked it HERE". I checked around a bit on other streets, thinking I was losing my mind! Finally I returned to the original corner and voila! I noticed a piece of my bungee cord. Then I realized that THIEVES had actually pulled the street sign pole out of the ground to get my bike!!!!! What the hell is up here in Austin? Nothing is safe. I think I'm going to return to the scene of the crime and leave a note. If anyone sees a black Phat Cruiser running around with a white bell w/a pink flower, a black metal basket and a ulock attached to the frame, let me know.

ASSHOLES!!!!!

raleigh update

Mellow Johnny's is going to fix it! YEAH!

trouble in paradise

I need help!!!! My beautiful old Raleigh. The fully enclosed chain guard suffers from a case of serious rusting out. So I'm trying to take it off...but can't figure out how to get the friggin thing off. I've taken out all the screws etc. Need a bike mechanic asap!

A Search For The Perfect Bike

I guess you could say I've got bike fever. My attempts to decorate the black cruiser were just that, attempts. I just don't feel the love for that bike. It's too big. It's too boy. Not classic at all. All the pink things I threw on it kinda make me queasy. So naturally after spending money to try to make it acceptable, I just found The Perfect Bike - a GREEN Schwinn Breeze. I had a Breeze once, it was blue and I rode the shit out of that thing. LOVED it. Now this green one really gets me going! My fave color green, too! Yeah, obsessed is the word here. Too bad I don't have any $$$. Of course, nothing, no-thing beats that old Raleigh. A shout out to Peddler for trying to fix those damn rod brakes. No one else in town would touch it. That said, I won't be taking the old girl down these Austin hills anytime soon.

semi-successful

My "sick day" was mostly a success. Logan and I slept in - yeah!, dropped him off at school, then did my thing. Hanging with Tony, laundry, tv, cleaning, fixing the bike, etc. It was decent. And it was the 1st true day of just relaxing since I got back from NY.

I suppose it's just burn-out, but I really don't want to go to school anymore. This year I've got a SUPER class, sweet kids, well behaved and smart, and two interns as well. But I think the constant moving of classrooms, campus politics and just generally depressing nature of the neighborhood where I work is really taking a toll. I don't know how much longer I can teach. Pretty much, I just want to travel with Logan and ride my bike.

So I'm tricking out the cruiser. Took the stupid Phat stickers off and put on cute pink/purple/white streamers and a white bell with a pink/purple flower on it. Next will be making a white cover for the seat. Some spiffy white wall tires might be in order as well! Also got a brown wicker basket for the Trek. Unfortunately, Trek doesn't use stickers, all the logo stuff seems to be painted on. A work in progress.

Still no word from the m.i.a. acquaintance. I suppose he just doesn't want to communicate with me. It's not like we were friends really, but I was hoping for a friendship. I felt some kind of connection to him, even though I'm not entirely sure what it was. I also sensed a very deep loneliness in him, a sadness that his smile didn't ever truly extinguish. Maybe my own sadness about this situation is more about an opportunity missed.

it's time for some time off

Life is too much with me this week. No rest, not enough time to get to the grocery store, the cat is starving and the litter box stinks! Let's all join together and shout "sick day"! I'm calling in that sub right now.

So I've spoken to those financial advisor people that come around the school from time to time. I've got 13 years until retirement. 13 fucking years. Okay, let's review: art certification - check; counselor certification - nope, not yet. 13 years.

Hoboken Tony has returned after 2 years. I'm looking forward to the fire pit and some bottles of wine once the weather cools off.

my kid is stalking me!

This is what happens when a child becomes more computer literate than a parent. I've discovered that Logan is out of control on the computer! He has figured out a way into my facebook, my email, and all my bookmarked sites. Long after I've kicked back with my glass of wine and Law & Order, he is upstairs being sneaky with the old laptop! Damn. So much for that....

summer 2009

just returned from the summer away - same as always....RI and NY.  This time I wasn't gone as long and it was better!  Steph and William did an awesome job of taking care of the house.  It made all the difference.

Summer has come to represent solitude.  I wish this wasn't the case.  5 years of going to the beach alone.  I've come to enjoy it I suppose.  Then down to NYC where my dearest friends live.  A very strange contrast.